insomnia

I've been awake since about 2 or 2:30.  I was hoping to sleep in because this is my first day off in I don't know how long (althoughI could probably figure it out).  I think 13 days.  Except I do need to go out to Greeley to see a patient so does that still count as a day off.  Anyway I wanted to sleep in.  No such luck.  And i was going to use today to get reorganized and make sure all of my paperowrk was done and plan my week.  Bahh!  So much for planning!  I stead Ive been laying on the couch for 3 hours watching who knows what o TV and searching for audible books online so I can listen while I work on paperwor.  Let me tell you, there is nothing good for free.  and my writing and speelling sucks right now becaue I am so tired and I don't care.  I really have to pee, so the question is: so I sneak into the bedroom to my bathrrom and rish  waking up my husband or use his bathroom out here????  It's the boys' rooms!!@@@@

POS Car

Oh yeah, it's been a while.  Since I last wrote I quit  my crappy job and started a better one where I don't cry nearly every day.  In fact I have an off day maybe once every few weeks.  And I've been there almost as long as I was at the other job.

I lost 30 # and made lifetime at weight watchers.

I started hating my car.  I loved that thing when I got it.  Black, sporty, fin, leather interior, sun roof, Cd changer MP 3 player, auto everything.  We, over the last 6 years it's gotten old; of course.  I had the brakes replaced a couple years ago and they squeak.  We took it to a brake shop and they said they don't touch my kind  of car because the brakes just squeak.  So we took it to the dealer and there was nothing wrong with it.  Then a few months ago it started making a weird noise and needed a new CV joint.  I took it to an auto mechanic I sound on Craigslist.  I would advise against this, even though it saved me $150.  On Monday it was making a noise like it had  a flat tire but it didn't.  I couldn't drive around two counties all day long like that so I took it home and took Tom's truck.  He drove my car the next day and asked about my brakes being soft.  He checked the brake fluid and it was low so he filled it.  The next day the brakes weren't working well again so he checked the brake fluid again and it was low again.  The next day he took the front tire off and the brake line had been rubbing against the tire and broke.  Great.  So we drove it, carefully, to the dealership that night.  The next day they called us with our $550 estimate.  I went in and asked why it cost so much to fix a brake line.  So they took me in to see the car.  When the Craigslist guy fixed it he didn't put the brake line back, he broke the strut, so they have to replace all of that, plus the $1,000,000 an hour for labor.  Great.  Should have just taken it to the dealer in the first place.  We may have paid $300 instead of $700.

Time to catch up

I haven't written in a while.  Life has been crazy an hectic.  I will write about my weight loss, though, since that has mostly been the topic of this blog.  I'm not going to go into weekly weigh-ins, but as of today my total weight loss has been 27.4 pounds.  I chose a goal weight (which may be different from the one I had the last time I wrote).  I'm 6.8 pounds away.  I'm getting anxious and just want to get there!

Like I said, life has been hectic.  So my crap going on.  Seriously, it's a bunch of crap.  So much shit I don't even want to deal with anymore.  UGH.  I need to make some decisions.  I think I have made them, I just need to move on from here.

Weight loss

Lost 1.4 pounds for a total of 23.2

Can't Sleep; Catching Up

Well, I can't sleep so I thought I'd do some way overdue catching up.  I've been slacking on this!

After my last blog, my weigh-ins were:
3/17/11: -0.4 pounds for a total of -16.2
3/24/11: -2.6 pounds for a total of -18.8
3/31/11: +1 pound for a total of - 17.8
4/7/11: -3.4 pounds for a total of -21.2

So I started thinking that I'm getting close to my goal weight, or what I had chosen for a goal anyway, and I hadn't talked to anyone about it.  I started wondering if I had picked the right weight, how would I know it was the right weight, etc.  So I went to one of the drop-in sessions and talked to the leader who was there.  She was so helpful.  She showed me the healthy weights for my height and suggested I start with a goal at the top of that range and maintain that goal for a while then I can move my goal down if I am comfortable doing that.  It sounded like a good plan to me since the goal I had chosen was just 5 pounds less than the top of the range of healthy weights.  It's almost like practice for maintenance.  In order to start maintenance you must be within 2 pounds of your goal weight and I am 1 pound away.  I'm a little leery about whether I lost that pound or not.  You see, I had a friend over on Friday and drank a couple glasses of Kahlua -- quite a bit of carbs and alcohol sugar.  When I drink more than a glass of wine a couple times a week I tend to gain weight or not lose.  I guess we will see what happens.  Then of course I am worried about maintaining.  What if I go over one week?  I wear the same clothes to weigh in every week, will I wear those forever?  I need to relax!

I plan on walking the 5K during the Colorado Marathon on May 1.  I was hoping my sister would walk it with me but I'm not sure if she'll be able to or not.  Then on May 7 I'll be walking in the MS Walk for/with one of my patients.  There is a reason to increase my exercise.  I've been doing hour long walks on the weekend but I'm going to need to fit it in during the week, too.  Not only is Sam getting really tired when we go for walks, now he's developed a cough.  I'm getting worried about him.

nearly 16!

The weather is gorgeous today!  I just got back from a 50 minute walk; the boys rode their bikes.  I took the dog with me and he was so worn out by the time we were done.  He's 8 years old and I think the long walks are getting to be a little too much for him.  I may need to start walking alone or take him for just shorter walks.  The thought makes me sad.

At my last weigh in I was shocked and happy to find out that I had lost 4.2 pounds.  That thrilled me after I had gained 1.4 pounds the week before.  That helped me meet my 15 pound milestone.  Now I've lost 15.8 pounds total!  I have (I think) 1.6 pounds to go before I get to my 10% goal.  13 pounds to my goal weight.  It doesn't sound like much, but it has taken me 3 months to lose 16 pounds!  Ahh well.

My sister and I had a nice conversation last night.  She has lost weight and looks great.  She told me that I look good.  I told her that I don't think I look as good as she does and she said, "really?  I was thinking that you look better".  It made me feel really good.  I'm feeling much better about myself.  I feel good when my clothes get bigger and I need to buy new sizes, I feel better when my clothes just look better on me.  Still, looking at myself naked just grosses me out.  Sorry, it's true.

Went to roller derby with my sister last night and it was so much fun!  One of my sister's old friends is on one of the teams that was playing.  I should have a picture that I can post soon.

I have a new job that is going great.  I'm really enjoying it and really enjoy the people I work with.

Right now I'm watching my husband play video games.  I'm thrilled.  (Unfortunately there is no sarcasm font)

the gain

The past couple weeks have been tough!  There was Valentine's Day, then Tom's birthday, then my birthday - all of them with some sort of food related celebration.  Then last weekend we went out with some guys that Toms works with.  That involved dinner.  I have to eat gluten free and at most restaurants that means a salad or a burger without a bun.  Salads are not always the best option, either, with some of the stuff they pack on.  Let's add to this that I haven't been tracking well for the last couple weeks.  So I go to weigh in and I am not surprised to find out that I have gained 1.4 pounds.  Wow.  I felt fat!  So I am back on track with paying closer attention to what I am putting in my mouth and tracking.  Already I am feeling better.  One thing that is tough is my new job.  There is no really good structured schedule to schedule meals and snacks around.  I'm also at the mercy of the nurse I am working with that day, but I am making it work.

Speaking of working, I am loving my new job!  It's great and I really enjoy it there and the people are wonderful!  I can't wait until I start doing more and I'm on my own.  I can already tell I'm going to be busy!

Well, I thought I'd end with a couple pictures.

this is me (and my husband) last summer, a few months before starting weight watchers

this is me today, 3 months into weight watchers and about a 12 pound weight loss (yes, I did take the picture in the bathroom)

my birthday meltdown

I had a birthday; maybe a significant one, maybe not.  I turned 39.  I spent the day before, the day of and the day after crying.  I couldn't stop.  I decided to see my psychiatrist.  He told me that it is normal to reevaluate your life on your birthday, and right now I feel like my life sucks.  He also told me that my seretonin levels are probably low, which is causing me to cry all the time and hibernate.  None of the meds I'm on effect my seretonin so he started me on a low dose of Prozac.  Funny, I've never been on that one before.  I know there is a lot going on in my life that meds can't fix and I hope things start getting better soon.   Since I quit my job I am feeling better, so that has helped.  I start my new job on Monday and I am nervous about that.  I have a few days to myself and I need to use those days to do things I want to do and take care of myself.

I did not go to Weight Watchers last week.  We had valentine's day, Tom's birthday, then my birthday in the last two weeks.  We did a lot of celebrating, which meant a lot of drinking and eating.  I didn't do any tracking yet I tried to stick with my plan when I wasn't splurging.  So today I weighed in and I have lost another 1.2 pounds for a total of 13 pounds.  For whatever reason, I thought that I could reach my 10% goal by next week.  I don't think that will happen. Maybe in 2-3 weeks.  Clothes are still getting bigger, so that is a good feeling.  My husband is finding me more attractive (not that he didn't find me attractive before, he says) and I like that, too.  I have 15 more pounds I want to lose.  I don't know why; that's just a number.  Let's just see where it goes.

2 pounds

Last week I gained 0.8 pounds.  Ugh.  I don't know why.  I was sure I had gained this week, too.  I just felt like I had.  I did everything the same except I had gone out one night and had a salad and a couple small margaritas. Still staying within my total points.  Well, I lost 2 pounds this week for a total loss of 11 pounds!  Just 6 pounds away from my 10% goal and 18 away from my ultimate goal.  I am feeling great, I am fitting into smaller pants.  I got rid of my bigger clothes.  This is going well and I'm happy with it.  It's been way too cold to go outside to walk so I've been trying to do things inside.  I've done the Zumba on the wii, but I need to use it on the bigger TV because I can't read the small print and did 3 warm-ups instead of a whole workout.  I also did some yoga from the fitness on demand.  Unfortunately I am more out of shape than I thought I was and I can't do an entire routine.  I just need to keep working on it, though.  Keep doing what I'm doing and I'll continue to be successful.  I hear these people in the meetings who are so gung-ho that all they eat is salads and fruit.  I can't do that, though.  I have to live.  So I eat "regular" food, too.  There is nothing wrong with that.  And some people don't eat their total points for the day, which is not recommended.  I feel like I'm doing what is right for me.  Either way, whatever I am doing is working.

I need to start getting ready for my next 5K, the Sharin' O' The Green on March 12.  That's 5 weeks away.  While it's cold out I can probably use the Wii.  I think there is a walking/jogging routine on the fit plus program.

ten pounds -- almost

I didn't write last week because I was too emotionally drained to write.  Last week I lost one pound.  This week I was sure I had gained weight, or at least stayed the same because I was so hungry.  I ate like a pig.  I used up my daily points plus my flex points every day and had 9 or 10 weekly points left at the end of the week.  I guess that is what they are there for, though, right?  So this morning when I weighed in I found that I had lost 2.6 pounds this week for a total of 9.8 pounds!  I had also met my first goal -- 5%.  So, it was a great weigh-in today.  Hopefully this will keep up.  This definitely keeps me motivated.  Right now I'm eating one of my typical morning meals: an apple cut up and microwaved with cinnamon on it, then I add Bob's Red Mill Gluten Free oatmeal to it.  Today I added a teaspoon of olive oil to it (to get in my healthy oils) and I don't even notice it.  I also added a teaspoon of vanilla and added my usual Splenda brown sugar blend.  Not bad.

Last week I made a hat with some handspun yarn and some commercial wool.  I wasn't sure how it would turn out and it turned out awful.  It's way too big.  It's just sitting on the kitchen counter.  Maybe I'll felt it today and see what happens.  It can't get any worse.

I mentioned earlier about the lay-offs at work.  I'm still upset about this.  I had yesterday and today off.  I'm almost dreading going back to work tomorrow.  Today has been a good day so far and I hope it keeps up.  Just need to keep a positive attitude.  Ran into one of my friends at the store today and she's doing well.  I'm still so sad for them.

"The mind is the source of happiness and unhappiness."

~The Buddha

why my day sucked

Yesterday they laid off our LPNs and counselors.  Those were my friends and good nurses.  I will miss them so much.  Add on to that it was just a busy bad day at work.

The day before I finished a hat.  It was a very good pattern but my gauge was off and it turned out horrible.

Stress with everything that is going on at home is killing  me.  I would just like everything to stop now please.

I'm awake (4 AM)

It's 4:00 AM.  I woke up at about 3:15.  I had to get something to drink.  When I tried to go back to bed Sam wouldn't go back in the bedroom.  He kept going to the front door.  So I had to take him outside to go to the bathroom.  Now I'm up.  I have to say my headache is mostly gone.  After taking my max 3 doses  of Frova and then having it come on even worse, I called to find out if I could also take Exedrin Migraine, so I took a couple of those.  I feel much better now.  Maybe I'll start with that next time.

So, now I'm up.  I wish Tom would get up with me.  But he didn't spend most of yesterday trying to sleep; he worked.  I'm going to charge my iPod because I listened to it while I slept (I wonder if you can absorb any information that way) and I'm going to listen to my audio book now and maybe do some knitting.  I got two free audio books and a free month trial with audible.com.  I was wanting an audio book for the book I'm currently reading, Dalai Lama's "How to Practice: The Way to a Meaningful Life". I thought I could listen to it while I knit instead of having to decide between knitting and reading (what a tough decision, huh?) So I was looking online for a copy of the book I could download and this was the best option.  You get the book you download plus one free credit with a free month trial and I guess I'll see if I want to keep doing it after that.  You get on credit every month.  Plus I think you get the New York times everyday.  I only want the crossword but I don't think that sounds very good.

 I was going to work on finishing my unfinished projects but my mom wanted a hat.  She loved the hat I made my dad for christmas but definitely needed it in a different color.  Then I thought I could make her a prettier one.  I'm making her the Cayuga Hat.  It's very pretty and I'm using a raspberry color.  The band is what is taking the most time. 


I'm also working on the Central Park Hoodie I started a little over a year ago.  I thought my gauge was right, but when I started knitting the sweater is was way off.  I got about 10 inches of the back done and looked at it and thought "this looks way too small".  So it will end up being 10 inches too small for me.  I don't care how much weight I lose, I don't think that will ever fit.  So instead of ripping it and starting all over, I'm going to finish it and give it to one of my gorgeous friends at work.


Now I'm sitting here listening to the snow and my Dharma Cowbell (that my parents got me) chiming outside.


It's a good early morning and I'll be ready to go back to work.

"All that we are is the result of what we have thought. If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him."

~The Buddha

Crabby

Warning: This is going to be a negative post.

I came home from work with a migraine last night.  I took my migraine medicine right away and tried to sleep.  Tom was snoring so loudly I had to go in the other room.  After almost 3 hours I woke up and took another dose because my migraine was no better.  I woke up again at 5 and still no better, if not worse.  So I called work to tell them that I might not be coming in today.  I was able to get another poor 2 hours of sleep and sure enough when I got up, no change in the headache and I took the last dose of meds that I can take for 24 hours.  So, I stayed home.  I tried to take a nap but the jerks in the apartment below us had their stereo blaring, then their kids were running up and down the hall, banging on stuff and yelling and it sounds like they live above us instead of under us.  This is one reason why we chose to live on the top floor.  Ugh.  I was able to get in a couple of really good hours of sleep, then Tom got home.  Now my migraine is worse and Tom and Patrick are being so loud.  Patrick was quiet all day, but once his dad walks in the door, his manners walk out.  I'd love to duct tape their mouths shut right now.  Please add this on to my list of current issues because that list is not long enough.

another week

This week I'm down another pound for a total of 6.2 pounds lost.  I still need to get active.  Ugh.  Why can't I do it?  I guess the question really is, why won't I do it?

OK, I'm too emotionally drained to write anything else right now