my birthday meltdown

I had a birthday; maybe a significant one, maybe not.  I turned 39.  I spent the day before, the day of and the day after crying.  I couldn't stop.  I decided to see my psychiatrist.  He told me that it is normal to reevaluate your life on your birthday, and right now I feel like my life sucks.  He also told me that my seretonin levels are probably low, which is causing me to cry all the time and hibernate.  None of the meds I'm on effect my seretonin so he started me on a low dose of Prozac.  Funny, I've never been on that one before.  I know there is a lot going on in my life that meds can't fix and I hope things start getting better soon.   Since I quit my job I am feeling better, so that has helped.  I start my new job on Monday and I am nervous about that.  I have a few days to myself and I need to use those days to do things I want to do and take care of myself.

I did not go to Weight Watchers last week.  We had valentine's day, Tom's birthday, then my birthday in the last two weeks.  We did a lot of celebrating, which meant a lot of drinking and eating.  I didn't do any tracking yet I tried to stick with my plan when I wasn't splurging.  So today I weighed in and I have lost another 1.2 pounds for a total of 13 pounds.  For whatever reason, I thought that I could reach my 10% goal by next week.  I don't think that will happen. Maybe in 2-3 weeks.  Clothes are still getting bigger, so that is a good feeling.  My husband is finding me more attractive (not that he didn't find me attractive before, he says) and I like that, too.  I have 15 more pounds I want to lose.  I don't know why; that's just a number.  Let's just see where it goes.

2 pounds

Last week I gained 0.8 pounds.  Ugh.  I don't know why.  I was sure I had gained this week, too.  I just felt like I had.  I did everything the same except I had gone out one night and had a salad and a couple small margaritas. Still staying within my total points.  Well, I lost 2 pounds this week for a total loss of 11 pounds!  Just 6 pounds away from my 10% goal and 18 away from my ultimate goal.  I am feeling great, I am fitting into smaller pants.  I got rid of my bigger clothes.  This is going well and I'm happy with it.  It's been way too cold to go outside to walk so I've been trying to do things inside.  I've done the Zumba on the wii, but I need to use it on the bigger TV because I can't read the small print and did 3 warm-ups instead of a whole workout.  I also did some yoga from the fitness on demand.  Unfortunately I am more out of shape than I thought I was and I can't do an entire routine.  I just need to keep working on it, though.  Keep doing what I'm doing and I'll continue to be successful.  I hear these people in the meetings who are so gung-ho that all they eat is salads and fruit.  I can't do that, though.  I have to live.  So I eat "regular" food, too.  There is nothing wrong with that.  And some people don't eat their total points for the day, which is not recommended.  I feel like I'm doing what is right for me.  Either way, whatever I am doing is working.

I need to start getting ready for my next 5K, the Sharin' O' The Green on March 12.  That's 5 weeks away.  While it's cold out I can probably use the Wii.  I think there is a walking/jogging routine on the fit plus program.

ten pounds -- almost

I didn't write last week because I was too emotionally drained to write.  Last week I lost one pound.  This week I was sure I had gained weight, or at least stayed the same because I was so hungry.  I ate like a pig.  I used up my daily points plus my flex points every day and had 9 or 10 weekly points left at the end of the week.  I guess that is what they are there for, though, right?  So this morning when I weighed in I found that I had lost 2.6 pounds this week for a total of 9.8 pounds!  I had also met my first goal -- 5%.  So, it was a great weigh-in today.  Hopefully this will keep up.  This definitely keeps me motivated.  Right now I'm eating one of my typical morning meals: an apple cut up and microwaved with cinnamon on it, then I add Bob's Red Mill Gluten Free oatmeal to it.  Today I added a teaspoon of olive oil to it (to get in my healthy oils) and I don't even notice it.  I also added a teaspoon of vanilla and added my usual Splenda brown sugar blend.  Not bad.

Last week I made a hat with some handspun yarn and some commercial wool.  I wasn't sure how it would turn out and it turned out awful.  It's way too big.  It's just sitting on the kitchen counter.  Maybe I'll felt it today and see what happens.  It can't get any worse.

I mentioned earlier about the lay-offs at work.  I'm still upset about this.  I had yesterday and today off.  I'm almost dreading going back to work tomorrow.  Today has been a good day so far and I hope it keeps up.  Just need to keep a positive attitude.  Ran into one of my friends at the store today and she's doing well.  I'm still so sad for them.

"The mind is the source of happiness and unhappiness."

~The Buddha

why my day sucked

Yesterday they laid off our LPNs and counselors.  Those were my friends and good nurses.  I will miss them so much.  Add on to that it was just a busy bad day at work.

The day before I finished a hat.  It was a very good pattern but my gauge was off and it turned out horrible.

Stress with everything that is going on at home is killing  me.  I would just like everything to stop now please.

I'm awake (4 AM)

It's 4:00 AM.  I woke up at about 3:15.  I had to get something to drink.  When I tried to go back to bed Sam wouldn't go back in the bedroom.  He kept going to the front door.  So I had to take him outside to go to the bathroom.  Now I'm up.  I have to say my headache is mostly gone.  After taking my max 3 doses  of Frova and then having it come on even worse, I called to find out if I could also take Exedrin Migraine, so I took a couple of those.  I feel much better now.  Maybe I'll start with that next time.

So, now I'm up.  I wish Tom would get up with me.  But he didn't spend most of yesterday trying to sleep; he worked.  I'm going to charge my iPod because I listened to it while I slept (I wonder if you can absorb any information that way) and I'm going to listen to my audio book now and maybe do some knitting.  I got two free audio books and a free month trial with audible.com.  I was wanting an audio book for the book I'm currently reading, Dalai Lama's "How to Practice: The Way to a Meaningful Life". I thought I could listen to it while I knit instead of having to decide between knitting and reading (what a tough decision, huh?) So I was looking online for a copy of the book I could download and this was the best option.  You get the book you download plus one free credit with a free month trial and I guess I'll see if I want to keep doing it after that.  You get on credit every month.  Plus I think you get the New York times everyday.  I only want the crossword but I don't think that sounds very good.

 I was going to work on finishing my unfinished projects but my mom wanted a hat.  She loved the hat I made my dad for christmas but definitely needed it in a different color.  Then I thought I could make her a prettier one.  I'm making her the Cayuga Hat.  It's very pretty and I'm using a raspberry color.  The band is what is taking the most time. 


I'm also working on the Central Park Hoodie I started a little over a year ago.  I thought my gauge was right, but when I started knitting the sweater is was way off.  I got about 10 inches of the back done and looked at it and thought "this looks way too small".  So it will end up being 10 inches too small for me.  I don't care how much weight I lose, I don't think that will ever fit.  So instead of ripping it and starting all over, I'm going to finish it and give it to one of my gorgeous friends at work.


Now I'm sitting here listening to the snow and my Dharma Cowbell (that my parents got me) chiming outside.


It's a good early morning and I'll be ready to go back to work.

"All that we are is the result of what we have thought. If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him."

~The Buddha

Crabby

Warning: This is going to be a negative post.

I came home from work with a migraine last night.  I took my migraine medicine right away and tried to sleep.  Tom was snoring so loudly I had to go in the other room.  After almost 3 hours I woke up and took another dose because my migraine was no better.  I woke up again at 5 and still no better, if not worse.  So I called work to tell them that I might not be coming in today.  I was able to get another poor 2 hours of sleep and sure enough when I got up, no change in the headache and I took the last dose of meds that I can take for 24 hours.  So, I stayed home.  I tried to take a nap but the jerks in the apartment below us had their stereo blaring, then their kids were running up and down the hall, banging on stuff and yelling and it sounds like they live above us instead of under us.  This is one reason why we chose to live on the top floor.  Ugh.  I was able to get in a couple of really good hours of sleep, then Tom got home.  Now my migraine is worse and Tom and Patrick are being so loud.  Patrick was quiet all day, but once his dad walks in the door, his manners walk out.  I'd love to duct tape their mouths shut right now.  Please add this on to my list of current issues because that list is not long enough.

another week

This week I'm down another pound for a total of 6.2 pounds lost.  I still need to get active.  Ugh.  Why can't I do it?  I guess the question really is, why won't I do it?

OK, I'm too emotionally drained to write anything else right now