depressing

I just woke up (well, an hour ago). I woke up and noticed that Tom wasn't in bed; he was downstairs flipping through channels because he had woken up earlier. I told him he could come upstairs and do that. So, now I'm awake and can't get back to sleep and he's getting back to sleep. Guess I should have taken one of my sleeping pills, but I was feeling tired. I should know better.....

My point. I'm making my usual rounds on the computer/internet and I'm reading a thread on a message board I sometimes read. I'm shocked, saddened, helpless, I don't know what else. I guess part of it is I want to help and I can't and another part is I know how she feels. A girl is depressed and has her first appointment with a counselor. She's taking her best friend with her because she's scared. Sadly, she already "knows" they can't do anything to help her. I've been there before and I know it's not true. She's made a suicide plan. She has a date in mind and everything. I've felt like that, but never made plans. She even knows how to work the system - don't tell the doctor and you won't get admitted. If you do get admitted, play good girl so you get dismissed soon.

I wish I knew what to say to her, but having been in a similar place I know that most of what people say will just piss her off. When someone is depressed and planning suicide you can't say "I know how you feel" because you don't. Maybe you think you do, but you don't. You can't tell them what to do. Nothing pisses anyone off more than being told what to do. "You'd feel better if you got out." You may have good intentions, but it may just be going in one ear and out the other. I remember one time I was depressed getting advice from people and just wanting to tell them to shut the hell up because they had no idea. None. People think they are helping, but most of the time they are not. That's the sad truth. What helps is going to the person, physically, and spending time, doing nothing if that's what it takes. Offer to go out. Don't push. Stay in, rent a movie, whatever, but show your support without being pushy or bossy. Someone who is depressed needs to know that they are loved. One thing that helps me the most, because I retreat to the bedroom, is for my husband to just lay down in bed with me; hug me. Don't ask what's wrong because a lot of times, someone who is depressed doesn't know what's wrong. I just wish there was something I could say to her. Some of the moderators of the group have taken care of her, if you will. I hope she'll be OK.